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Unwanted Male Attention and
Sexual Harassment Abroad

Unwanted male attention exists everywhere. It may vary in type or degree, but unfortunately harassment of a sexual nature is with us to stay for the forseeable future.

Stories of unwanted sexual attention abroad are plentiful. Foreign backpacking women are seen as 'exotic' in many countries, especially if their skin or hair color is dramatically different.

Unfortunately for us, freedoms we may take for granted at home don't necessarily exist everywhere. This isn't about who's right and who's wrong, but about having a safe trip, as free from harassment as possible, and as enjoyable as it can be.

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Cultural quirks and taboos

Different countries and regions have different views of gender and what is perfectly acceptable in North America or Europe may be highly offensive in the Middle East or North Africa. And vice-versa.

Remember, American television is popular in all corners of the world. Men who have never left their home may be glued to Baywatch and other Hollywood fare, so it should come as no surprise if they think all foreign women are loose and sexual. Breaking down stereotypes - however commendable - is difficult.

In some parts of the world, just traveling on your own is considered risqué or improper. That's why I often pretend my non-existent husband is waiting to pick me up at the end of the bus line or back at the hotel. Appearing 'attached' is one of the better safeguards against unwanted male attention - when it works.

Traveling solo can cast you into the stereotypical role of the wanton Western woman - the one men may watch hungrily in movies, on billboards and on TV as their own women obediently go about their lives.

The times I've dispensed with my 'husband' I've usually regretted it. I've been the object of pity, as women often are if they're unmarried, which of course in itself has led to more unwanted male attention.

In Western society, looking a man in the eye is normal - but it's rude or brazen in many other parts of the world. On the other hand, people often stare at you unblinkingly, and that's just considered fine!

Here are some common forms of unwanted male attention:

edging close, touching or groping on public transport, blocking your way
wolf whistles (which women in some countries consider flattering!), hissing, clicking
overt staring and leering
untoward affection - an arm around you on the street, a 'close' hug, a kiss on the lips, a pat on the bum
personal questions they wouldn't dream of asking women in their own societies
inappropriate comments about how you look, what you think
and anything beyond

This unwanted male attention is not limited to Western women abroad. On the contrary, it is something women face all over the world.

In South Africa some time ago women took to the streets to "defend their mini-skirts" - a woman had been attacked by taxi drivers and hawkers for wearing a skirt that was too short. Here's what one of the men said: "If you are wearing a miniskirt, you give the impression you want to be raped." Case closed.

How to avoid unwanted male attention

Even if you actually want male attention abroad, there are probably times when you could do without it. And if you want your trip to be gloriously solo, you'll need to ward off some of that attention firmly. Here are some tactics to do just that - pick and choose the ones that will work for you:

Research your destination and understand its culture. Before you go, do a lot of reading.

Once you're on the road, talk to women travelers who are coming from where you're going to find out what attitudes are like.

Wear discreet clothing that won't call too much attention to you. Cleavages, mini-skirts and tight clothes are best left at home. Dress locally: wear headscarves, cover your shoulders and legs, or wear skirts rather than trousers - do whatever local women do.

In particularly difficult countries, wear sunglasses - they'll keep you from making eye contact with men.

Ignore whistles, leers and rude comments. Look down in disgust or away in disinterest.

Never hitchhike or ride with men - unless you know them very very well.

Don't flirt with men unless you actually plan on going a lot further. In many countries men will assume that flirting is a prelude to sex, when all you're doing is being friendly.

If a man bothers you, say so loudly, and head towards a group of women. Better yet - carry a whistle. Most men will flee.

Be careful where you walk during the day - and don't walk alone at night. Period.

'Borrow' a male friend. Pretend you're married. Wear a wedding ring. And carry pictures of your 'children'. At the very least make it clear you have a boyfriend not far away.

Avoid drinking and smoking in public. It may send a different message than it would at home.

If you do have a drink, keep an eye on it. Slipping something into your drink may be just the opportunity someone is looking for. And if you've had too much to drink, it'll be too late for you to notice.

Don't talk to male strangers you want to avoid. Any reaction at all may be seen as a victory - even a shrug or a 'go away'. If you're really uncomfortable saying nothing, then learn how to say something curt and firm in the local language. What you consider a friendly but dissuasive smile could be considered a declaration of undying love in some parts of the world.